How to fail at running an AirBNB

October 16, 2025October 15, 2025 ~ SA Otey

I’ve never stayed at an Airbnb aka “Murder Bed and Breakfast”, and hope never to. I’ve compiled a list of everything you need to do to be a terrible host and make sure no one comes back.

Don’t be Home / Don’t Answer the Door

If you are expecting company, simply don’t be there to greet them. This will cause an unsettling feeling in your guests that they’re at the wrong house or have the dates mixed up. You can also invite them to stay and not tell them you are inviting others, and work out a deal with your neighbor so they can sleep there.

Don’t clean your house

Dirt piles in corners, dust bunnies hovering, and diarrhea backsplash in the toilet are just a few things that show you don’t care about yourself or your guests. Broken fixtures in the guest bathroom will also build a growing angst in your guests. If you have pets make sure that when they take a dump or pee on the floor you ignore it. Be sure to store all of your dirty clothes in the guest bathroom too. Dirty dishes piled up that are attracting subterranean creatures will discourage the use of the kitchen.

Don’t have any food

Especially food your guest might like. Don’t plan ahead and stockpile the fridge with their favorites. Turn your place into a bed and make your own breakfast. Keep old cereal and just enough milk to cover the bottom of the bowl. Hide your good coffee and only offer Keurig.

Hide and Go Seek

Make it hard to find towels and washcloths. Keep the good towels in your bathroom so that your half-naked guest has to rummage around your hallway linen closet and dry off with discolored hand towels. Keep the toilet paper anywhere but in the guest bathroom so that you cause the current hand towel to become discolored.

Stay up Late

Long after your guests have turned in, keep up your loud antics of yelling at sporting events. Random bursts of laughter from the poker or board game will surely inspire insomnia for the next few hours.

Sleep in

There is nothing quite as awkward as waking up in someone else’s home while they’re still sleeping. It’s like you’ve broken into their home and you’re trying not to startle them from sleep. They might forget you’ve spent the night, which leads to you being on the receiving end of a buckshot breakfast.

Conclusion

Hopefully, your guests didn’t pack their bags and sneak out of your house in the middle of the night because they didn’t get a good shower or a hearty meal and are covered in bugs, cat urine, and dog poop.

Budget-Friendly Tips for Visiting DC

August 28, 2025August 28, 2025 ~ SA Otey

Stay in Virginia

Unless you like throwing away money, you can stay at a similar hotel in Arlington Virginia for a fraction of the cost. I recommend the Homewood Suites near the Rosslyn Metro station. They have a free shuttle to Rosslyn Metro which will connect you to the Orange, Blue, and Silver lines.

Use the Metro Rail

If you love driving around and seeing endless brake lights, then by all means, hop in your automobile. Overcome your fear of confined underground metal bacteria tubes and use the Metro Rail. I’d suggest starting at $20 per rider and refilling it as needed. You can get to all the major sights by using this transportation method if you don’t mind a little walking to and from the Metro stations.

Contact your Senator

If you plan ahead you can contact your state Senator and book a White House, Capital, and Library of Congress Tour. The Capital tour was my favorite because it was a small group and our guide was very knowledgeable. We also got to ride the underground people mover from the Senator’s office to the Capital Building. Plus we got to go in rooms not available to the general public.

Pack Light (most of the time)

For Government buildings, you will be restricted to small purses or handbags. Don’t bring a backpack with everyone’s lunch or water bottles. If you take a capital tour with your Senator’s office, you can leave your backpack in the air-conditioned office and pick it up when you are done. You can take pictures and they will let you know with vigor when you can’t. A small point-and-shoot camera or your smartphone is fine. Do not attempt to bring your SLR with a 600mm lens.

Bring a reusable water bottle and snacks

For times you can bring a larger bag (museum days), and fill a reusable water bottle with ice from your hotel. Most places have those filtered reusable water stations that remind you haven’t killed any sea turtles today. There aren’t many options to eat at the National Mall, so pack a few snacks so that you don’t have any hangry meltdowns.

Minimize your walking

Don’t try to do the National Mall in one day. Going from the Capital Building to the Lincoln Memorial is quite a haul. We did it, it is possible, but I regret it. Try to plan your museum visits based on your metro stops.

Use the DC Circular

To help minimize your walking there is a large red bus that will stop at all major spots in and around the National Mall. It’s only $1 for as long as you ride. Some drivers will let your kids on for free. Good for getting from one end of the National Mall to the other.

Suggested YouTube Channel: Trip Hacks DC

Tips for Disconnecting from Work on Vacation

June 4, 2025 ~ SA Otey

When you take time off do you enjoy yourself or do you worry about what work awaits you when you get back to the office? Do you check your email while you are on vacation? How do you break this habit?

It’s a difficult habit to break in our “connected” world. I only have one mobile phone and I use it for work. I remember a professor of mine complaining about his beeper. He felt like he was a dog on a leash and didn’t like the “chain jerking”.

Here are a few tips that I don’t follow whatsoever.

Remove your work apps

I know it’s a temporary pain to set them back up, but put it on your timesheet as “Admin”. Don’t try to sneak into your email from the web access either. You won’t like what awaits you.

Leave your smartphone at work in a locked drawer

Remember when you were a teenager in the 90s and didn’t have a smartphone and no one bothered you? Yeah me too. Take a trip down memory lane and ditch the smartphone for a week. Your wife and kids will eventually find you.

Unforgettable Beach Tips for a Unique Experience

May 27, 2025 ~ SA Otey

Who doesn’t love the beach? Well, I for one really do not care for it. The sand, the sunburn, the people. Anytime people get near water it seems their brain reduces functionality.

Beach Activities

Set up fishing poles in front of other families so that children get caught in the lines and potentially get hooked. Bring games where you throw objects that land onto others beach areas causing sand to fly onto them.

Bring Your Pets

Cats love the sand, it’s just one giant litter box. Buried treasure is always fun for kids when they go digging in the sand. Keep a dog tied up to a food-filled wagon so he can eat his fill. Let him loose to swim and allow him to take a huge dump where other children are playing in the water.

Bring some Food

Seagulls love food as much as you do. Once they see that wonderful white bread they will terrorize anyone around. Feed them so that it becomes a problem for other families.

Booze it Up!

Even though the beach is alcohol-free, bring your booze inside of a Sonic styrofoam cup or Gatorade bottle. You can still get drunk, obnoxious, and curse at the top of your lungs when your cornhole bag doesn’t hit the target. Don’t forget to blast profane music while your inhibitions are reduced causing you to grind each other on the beach.

With these tips, I’m sure everyone will have a good time at the beach.

Why Disney Should Switch to Foam Soap for Clean Hands

February 12, 2025 ~ SA Otey

Nothing is more frustrating than pushing a button for soap snot. I’m surprised that Disney World hasn’t adopted the foam dispensers. I love the foam because it cleans well and doesn’t make you rinse your hands for 20 minutes. I’m sure the initial cost would be huge, but the long-term savings would be tremendous. That way Disney can lower their ticket prices and offer free parking.