Tag: Walt Disney World

Why Lightning Lane is Essential for Disney Parks

~ SA Otey

IMG_1059Remember when you needed a FastPass for the FastPass kiosk so you can get more FastPasses. That is probably the number one phrase I hear at Disney, “I’m so glad we got a FastPass”. Really? Who doesn’t want a FastPass? Why would anyone say, “I’m so glad I get to wait in this 90-minute line for a 1-minute and 30-second ride. Of course, you can use the app or book ahead of time. However, it’s not beneficial unless you stay at WDW resort and can get the FP+ for the Mine Train at 8 pm because you still don’t have the inside track on bookings. I recently visited the Magic Kingdom and I felt like I needed to get a FastPass for the trash cans, water fountains, toilet, and even to exit the park.

Genie Plus was far from perfect, but you really need maximum Disney enjoyment to become super rich and take one of those guided tours where they shuffle you in and out of rides and give you all access to the underbelly of Disney. It might be easier to fake a horrible disease, but I’m sure Disney will vet you thoroughly via DNA scans, and you can get your super cool Fastpass.

If Disney Ran the United States

~ SA Otey
IMG_7200
Mr. Walt and his running mate for 2024

Can you imagineer the possibilities if Disney ran the country? There would be pros and cons of course. I guess it really depends on if you are a fan of Disney.

Healthcare

Healthcare costs would skyrocket, but you could at least reserve a Lightning Lane for the emergency room. How awesome would it be to immediately hop on a paper-covered table to be examined while others have been waiting for 90 minutes for a 3-minute diagnosis? All your medicine would cost four times as much. However,  you can pay a premium if you want to guzzle your Robitussin from a souvenir cup.

Immigration

It would be too expensive to enter the United States, and you would have so many people complaining, “I wish I could afford to go to the United States”. Maybe there would be blackout dates when you couldn’t stay in the country. The truth is, every Main Street USA would be packed to capacity, but at least it would smell good with Disney bakery exhaust.

Taxes

There would be no taxes whatsoever because there would be limited choices of high-quality items that are out of everyone’s price range.

Disney National Parks Service

Since the entire country would essentially be Disney Country, Walt Disney World, and Disneyland would essentially just be like any other national park. All the other National Parks would get an upgrade as well. Can you imagine a giant slide into the Grand Canyon or the Haunted Mammoth Cave?

Transportation and Infrastructure

If you’ve ridden Spaceship Earth at Epcot, you would see this future vision of automation fast-tracked. People movers would drop you off at work after you’ve been dressed by a Carousel of Progress robot. We would have automobile safety on par with Tomorrowland Speedway because all our cars would be on rails so we couldn’t knock each other into the ditch. However, all of America’s roadways would be exactly like Orlando traffic to encourage you to take those People movers.

Parking lot drag strips

~ SA Otey
photography of parking lot
Photo by Jose Espinal on Pexels.com

I’ve noticed that there is a sense of anxiety in theme park parking lots. Everyone is in such a hurry to get one extra car ahead. So much to almost cause fatal car accidents. Stop and yield sign lose their meaning. Flashing signs that indicate your speed only seem to make you want to get a higher number. For what? One extra parking spot closer to the tram ride? Is vehicular homicide worth it?

Disney’s Pirates Ride Controversy: A Closer Look

~ SA Otey

Remember when Disney had the “human trafficking” scene in the popular Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland and Magic Kingdom? Yes, the ride that features pirates. Just look up what real pirates have done in the past. So if you really think about it, the whole ride should be shut down. This scene was removed and replaced with a lady pirate with red hair trying to move Rum to keep the men drunk. However, the war-mongering, torture, arson, thievery, drunkenness, and domestic violence toward men scenes will stay.

Please just leave the rides alone.