Category: Driving

When should you use high beam headlights?

~ SA Otey

Are you the type of person who drives with your high beams on all the time? I mean, even during the daytime, because you don’t know how to disengage them?

I have a car with LED headlights. So when an oncoming vehicle flashes my highs, I then burn their retinas with the next level brightness. These special LEDs also allow you to see inside your neighbor’s soul if they own a home at a 3-way intersection.

Some cars now have light-sensitive high beams. They will lower if there is oncoming traffic. That, of course, is optional. In my opinion, there should only be high beams. Humans will adapt; we always do.

Locking the car windows before your fart

~ SA Otey

Probably one of the worst things you can do to your family is lock the car windows and then unleash a seat warmer. When someone shouts “Roll down the windows,” say you don’t know what they mean because there are no rollers in the car.

But seriously, do you still say roll down the windows? It’s like saying rewind a YouTube video.

Top Mistakes Motorcycle Riders Should Avoid

~ SA Otey
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The best way that I’ve found to reduce motorcycle fatalities is to not own a motorcycle. Unless a motorcycle crashes into my vehicle and the rider flies through my windshield,  then my chances of dying by motorcycle are greatly reduced. Here a just a few observations that I’ve noticed that will help you not die on a motorcycle.

  1. Wear a helmet
  2. Don’t wear flip-flops
  3. Don’t make your own lane by riding on the white line between cars at a high rate of speed
  4. Don’t ride on the shoulder or median at a high ride of speed during traffic jams
  5. Don’t swerve into the other lane if someone is trying to pass you on the left
  6. Don’t text and ride your motorcycle (yes, I’ve seen it)
  7. Make your motorcycle as loud as you can so we can hear you!
  8. Lastly, don’t ride your motorcycle (still the best way of not dying).

Yes, I’m not man enough to own/ride a motorcycle. I had one wreck on a dirt bike as a kid and my legs went numb for a few minutes. I’m good. But enjoy yours, and don’t be a jerk.

How to pick a good watermelon

~ SA Otey
close up photography of sliced watermelons

Now that it’s hot and humid outside, what better way to cool down than with a slice of watermelon? If you ever see somebody with a pickup bed full of melons, here’s how to get a deal. For instance, if you can get one for $6 or two for $10. Buy two of them and then ask to return one of them. Since one watermelon is worth $6 dollars you end up paying only $4 for the one watermelon. It’s a great deal. If they don’t accept returns, just smash both of your watermelons all over the pavement so that the onlookers can see. It’s only $10, and how fun is it to smash a watermelon? Just ask Gallagher.

Gallagher – The Smashing Watermelon Collection [DVD]

Why Backing Into Parking Spots Can Save You Time

~ SA Otey
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Are you the type of driver that backs into a parking spot? If so, then why? Are you saving the hassle later by wedging yourself into a spot while others wait for you to finish your 3-point turn? Are you trying to prove how good of a driver you are with your skill display? Or is the real reason for a quick getaway for a zombie apocalypse or a similar situation?

Why not just find two empty spots and pull through? That way, there’s no backing out or is required. Or maybe you are a defensive driver and want to be safe. That’s probably it. Do you use your side and rearview mirrors, or do you have a backup camera? Which do you prefer?

Gas Station Wisdom: When to Fill Up Your Tank

~ SA Otey
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Full Tilt Gasoline

There is a raging debate on whether or not you should fill up your tank with gasoline on each visit to the pump. If you fill up, it makes your car too heavy and causes excess wear and tear. If you only fill halfway up, you get better gas mileage but have to fill up more often. The problem is easily solved, car companies need to make smaller gas tanks.

Have you noticed that gasoline is always cheaper after you purchase it? Seems like every time I buy petrol for my automobile, the next day it’s on sale. When it’s time to buy fuel again, it jumps up another ten cents per gallon. I can’t seem to get on the cheap gas cycle. But when is the best time to buy gasoline? When your tank is near empty, that’s when. So fill’er up!

How to Claim Your Parking Spot Anywhere

~ SA Otey
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Whenever you are faced with the challenge of finding a place to park you can always create your own. You can park on the curb, in the grass, and even block someone in their spot. It’s ok, you are all at the movie theater so eventually, you will come out and they will be able to leave as well. Works everywhere including baseball fields where parking is limited.

If you don’t want anyone to park near you, keep a couple of traffic cones with you and place them in spaces next to you. Looks really official.

[2 Pack]28 Inch Collapsible Traffic Safety Cones – Parking Cones with Reflective Collars,Orange Safety Cones for Parking lot，Driveway, Driving Training etc.

Back in my youth, I wanted to carry a grease pencil so I could write on windshields, but in our day of YouTubers, I’m sure I would be arrested in this day and age.

What to Do (and Not Do) at Sobriety Checkpoints

~ SA Otey
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Every Memorial Day, state troopers begin setting up sobriety checkpoints to decrease the traffic flow from sloth-like to gridlock. Here is what you are supposed to do. Give the officer your license and answer their questions. Here is what you don’t do. Trust me.

  • Have a whiskey scented air freshener
  • Ask if there are any escaped convicts on the loose
  • Don’t take their picture
  • Don’t talk about their gun
  • Don’t say things like “You need a license to drive?”

Drive like your kids live here.

~ SA Otey ~ 1 Comment
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The phrase “Drive like your kid lives here” is meaningless. It’s targeted at people who drive highway speeds in neighborhoods. Speed humps and bumps don’t slow them down either because they have no regard for human life. They ignore stop signs and roll right through them. Sadly, it takes a tragedy before any safety measures are put in place. Here are a couple of ideas to deal with neighborhood speeders.

  • Roll a basketball into the street as they drive past.
  • Set up a lawn chair in the front yard and point a hair dryer at them and look at your smartphone as they drive past.
  • Draw elaborate potholes on the street in front of your house with sidewalk chalk.
  • Rig up a child mannequin on a pulley system (work with your neighbors) so that it darts out in front of the car as they speed past. Bonus points if you fill it with red corn syrup.

Yeah, maybe don’t do that last one, it might be too traumatic, and you might get questioned on why you own a child mannequin.

We need a national ban on wheelie trucks

~ SA Otey


I will spot something or someone in public, and I will tell my children not to give them any attention. That is what they want. They want you to look at them, you know, like people who go out of their way to show you their tattoos in selfies.

I’ve seen many things, but trucks that have been modified to look like they are popping a wheelie kind of leave me dumbfounded. I guess they’ve accomplished their goal of getting my attention, well, that and the ungodly noises emanating from the exhaust, plus all the curse word music that rattles my head via the subwoofer speaker.