This sports drink dispenser is on every golf hole; it’s free, but it tastes terrible. It does leave your mouth feeling really clean. They should really work on the delivery method; it’s hard to quench the thirst trying to get your mouth on it.
On a serious note, if you haven’t tried LMNT, you are missing out. If you are playing in the Dog Days of summer and start to feel sick from dehydration, these salty sticks will turn you right around.
Get in the Hole
This is shouted from a par 5 tee shot. Maybe more appropriate when someone is on the green or chipping and the ball brushes past the hole. Nah, it’s never good to say this. It’s just annoying.
Drive for show, putt for dough
This is said as a passive-aggressive insult whenever you outdrive your playing partner. Works out well if you put your next shot near the pin and tap in for birdie or eagle. Hopefully, after they’ve 3 putted for double bogey they will shut up.
Beach reference
Whenever someone lands in the sand trap some will reference one of the following phrases. “Nice day for the beach”, “Did you bring your sunscreen?”
Water shot
“Get your snorkel” or “That one didn’t skip.”
When you hit a good shot
“That’s a golf shot right there”. But aren’t they all golf shots? Even the ones that skip across the green from a bladed chip shot that goes into the greenside bunker or lake filled with alligators and snapping turtles?
Mentioning your score
Don’t ever mention your score to someone after the round. For example when you say, “I shot an 85”, someone will chime in, “Well, what did you shoot on the back nine?” Hilarious every time.
Also, stop peeing in the woods, you might need one of these
It’s tempting to coach from the sidelines, but if you must, remember these helpful tips.
Stand as close to your kid as the fences allow. You can also put your mouth between the steel cage diamonds and shout unimpeded. Have some prearranged after-the-game system of punishment if they didn’t measure up to your expectations. During the game, tell them you are keeping track of all their mistakes.
Also, don’t do any of these things. Let the coach’s coach and you keep your mouth shut unless you are simply cheering your kid on.
I’m glad it’s fresh water and not salt water. But really, how fresh is it? Do they clean the cooler or just top it off each day? Do people put their mouths directly on the spout and guzzle? Who cares, on a hot day of golf, this is free and delicious. If it comes out like mucous then I’ll probably skip it.
There’s a lot of good softball action in the NCAA, that is, in between umpires reviewing the calls. Seriously, umpires are about as effective as a WWE ref. Here’s what needs to happen to make it watchable again.
No more leave early reviews
Every homerun with a runner on base is now subject to a “left early” review. Kills the momentum of the game. Everyone stands around while the umps go watch the replay and confirm what everyone already knows. However, watching the losing team save a review for the walk-off play to delay the celebrations is fun.
Pitch Counts
Letting someone throw 160 pitches in a game is borderline abuse. Yes, the motion is different. However, you still move muscles, tendons, and ball/socket joints. There is also stress on the hips, femur, and shin bones. Pitch counts benefit your team by requiring them to develop a pitching staff. This prevents the overuse of your superstar and avoids injury.
No more arguing balls and strikes
The umpires are calling too many balls. Umpires don’t call the strike zone anymore. They call down the middle. This gives the advantage to the hitter by looking for a sweet spot meatball. Umpires need to call the corners and allow pitchers to hone their craft.
Let umps make the call
No more coaches calling safe from the first and third box. Do you know how you can increase your chances of being safe? Run though the bag and don’t try to make airplane wings calling yourself safe.
No more check swing reviews
Unless it’s by a field ump, keep that person paying attention to the game
Slappers can only foul it off 3 times
You get only one chance for a bunt on strike three. No more fifteen foul ball slap at bats.
No more obstruction calls
You want the bag or plate? You’ve best hit the weight room and then knock that ball out of their glove.
In game suspensions for..
The pace of play in the game of golf has become ridiculous. I will refuse to play on the weekends unless a family member is visiting. I know it’s all about making money regardless of skill level, but I believe there should be some local course rule changes to adapt to the times.
Spread out the tee times
Stop booking tee times ten minutes apart. Even the best players have difficulty finishing a hole in 10 minutes or less if they are walking.
Seniors day
If you have a group of four eighty-year-olds, don’t let them go out first and put them in front of four groups of scratch golfers.
Amateur day
Have a specific time of day when you let amateurs and kids play. Spread the tee times about 30 minutes apart to allow for lost ball searching and hitting 3 topped shots out of the fairway.
Walker Wednesday
Some of us don’t like to ride in a cart. We don’t want to be intimidated by carts trying to run us over in the fairway.
Kids don’t want trophies, they just want after game snacks. This was confirmed once I saw a parent asking to take a picture of their kid after the baseball season ended. The parent wanted a pose with the trophy, but the kid held up his post-game hot dog instead. These participation trophies are to make the parents feel better about their kids not being good at their sport. Kids love to play the sport, they like the free snack after the game and just to get away from you for an hour or so.
Once a kid reaches a certain age the trophy needs to be earned. Trophies for kids who make the all-star team is where it should begin and end. If you have a travel ball team then hand out awards for different categories such as “best hitter” or “best defense”. Other than that, the after-season party with free food should be enough.
What do you bring when you’re at an all-day softball or baseball tournament?
A player – It doesn’t make sense to attend a tournament if you don’t have a player, maybe if you are watching someone you know. But if you are there and don’t know anyone you might cause suspicion if you start walking onto the field and high-fiving players.
A cooler – Preferably something that holds ice for more than an hour
Something to keep a cooler cold – You can put ice or these cooler shock packs
Something to keep cold – Skip the soda and beer and bring lots of water and Gatorade. Bring fruits, nuts, and other low-sugar snacks to keep you fueled.
Cooling towels – It’s better than a paper towel
Sunscreen – https://amzn.to/4iwnpooDon’t forget to apply every few hours or you will have tan lines on your face.
A Chair – Preferably one with shade if you don’t have any friends who brought a canopy.
First aid kit – Things will happen, and bleed or get swollen.
Wagon – It’s better than carrying everything
Throw some Shade – Instead of looking like a sun-dried tomato, grab yourself some brella and man-made shade
Disappointment – Don’t forget to bring your complaining face. If your child is not performing at a perfection level, let them know in front of all the other parents.
Daily Irritant 
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